One Shotted

This Man Will Give You 15 Each Week.

A huge grab bag of NFL Week 9 Winners and Losers this week.

Let’s just get down to business.

The Winners

Michael Turner, RB, Falcons:  A few low-yardage outings aside, The Burner has scored eight touchdowns in his last five games, punctuated by this week’s 18-166-2 performance.  Turner is one of the few backs that does exactly what you’d expect in a given outing.  His yardage may ebb once in a while, but there’s no question who’s getting the ball on the goal line.

Kurt Warner, QB, Cardinals:  I never thought Warner’s wife was attractive, although she’s doing much better with the longer hair.  There’s something about a female Marine Corps vet that scares my babymaker.  I was sort of into Demi Moore in G.I. Jane.  Anyway, Warner decimated the Bears for 265 and 5.  Bet your fantasy team on him, just not your money.

Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Cardinals:  Even as I lamented another Bears loss, I quietly rejoiced over Fitzgerald’s fantasy stats (9-123-2).  He’s one of the few receivers you see in person (Calvin Johnson being another) and realize he’s on another level than everyone else on the field.  With the Seahawks, Rams (twice), Titans and Lions still on the schedule, 1,400 yards and  15 scores isn’t out of the question.

DeAngelo Williams, RB, Panthers:  Williams put up 21-149-2 against a competent Saints defense on Sunday.  Things get a little tougher for him in the second half but he remains a must-start in all formats.  By the way, have you ever seen a team more star-crossed team than the Panthers (okay, maybe the Titans)?  Every time they start to pull things together, they come up a little short.

Greg Olsen, TE, Bears:  Just what we all need, another feast or famine tight end.  If I had my druthers, all fantasy football leagues would start two WRs and a single flex (WR/TE/RB).  Starting a tight end is like going to a wedding where you only know your date.  You’re either going to get shit-housed or sit quietly in the corner.  There’s no in between.

Ray Rice, RB, Ravens:  Rice gets the nod this week not because he blew you away (12-48-1) but because the guy’s lowest scoring outing this year is still close to double-digits.  It’s like the academy giving Lord of the Rings:  Return of the King best picture based on all three films.  Sometimes, consistency counts.  (Along those lines, I’ve watched various installments of The Matrix during my recent ‘time off.’  I think the second film gets a bad wrap.  Like LotR:  The Two Towers, it was basically stitching together the story.  Had they only made two films, the first, and then a longer compilation of the second two — removing almost all of the Zion scenes — the series would be seen in a different light.).

Steelers DST:  Anyone in an ESPN fantasy league knows two things.  One, the site is unusually hard to navigate.  Two, their ‘expert’ projections are either absurdly low or high.  Anyone that didn’t think the Steelers defense would have a field day against Denver doesn’t watch the games.  The ESPN experts projected 4, the defense delivered 17.

Jay Cutler, QB, Bears:  In the long lineage of QB’s carrying bad teams, the comparison was made this week between Cutler and Archie Manning of the Saints.  Reaching perhaps, but Cutler is putting up huge numbers (369-3-1 this week) for a Bears offense that really doesn’t have anything.  His best receiver is a converted return guy still learning the position (although Devin Hester has shown great improvement this year).

Cedric Benson, RB, Bengals:  No other back in the league is approaching 25 carries per game.  There’s little doubt he’s going to break down before he turns 28 but as long as he continues to put up numbers like Sunday (34-117-1), Benson is a must-start in any format or matchup.

The Losers

Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles:   I don’t know what to say about Westbrook.  Obviously, this year’s performance isn’t his fault.  Limited carries and a nasty concussion have limited the diminutive dynamo (47-197-1).  But anyone that drafted him (myself included) has waited patiently for a triumphant return that may not come.  Even if you handcuffed LeSean McCoy, this isn’t the situation you envisioned at the start of the season.

Willie Parker, RB, Steelers:  Another victim of the changing guard in NFL backfields, Parker didn’t register a single carry in Pittsburgh’s win over Denver.  Although healthy, FWP is now an afterthought in the Steelers offense, and only viable if second-year back Rashard Mendenhall gets hurt.

Joe Flacco, QB, Ravens:  If you’ve watched a few Ravens games this year, you know the score on Flacco.  Every thing he does is predicated on Ray Rice and his ability to turn screen passes into long gains.  Sure, Flacco can throw the ball down field, and Derrick Mason is still a deep threat, but the Flacco owners will live and die on the short pass.  This week, we died.

Clinton Portis, RB, Redskins:  Another major concussion in the NFL this week.  Against the backdrop of the congressional hearings, Westbrook’s injury and the Redskins being a playoff afterthought, don’t expect the team to rush Portis back on the field.

LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers:  After a few upticks (against the Raiders and Denver), L.T. is following FWP into fantasy irrelevance.  It’s unfortunate to see such a talent fade so quickly.  It wasn’t long ago that L.T. was the class of the league.  How quickly that’s forgotten in the face of 12-22-0 performances.

Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons:  The honeymoon is over for Ryan, who has seen his fantasy totals drop for five consecutive weeks (including 135-1 last week).

Calvin Johnson, WR, Lions:  It sucks to be a Johnson owner.  The guy is so talented that he’s a threat to score even on this Lions squad.  Unfortunately, Matt Stafford is more akin to throwing to the other team (5 Ints) than Johnson (2-27-0).

Anquan Boldin, WR, Cardinals.  I feel bad for Boldin.  After a lot of lip-service by the team in the off-season, Boldin suited up again this year.  Yet, the team continues to devalue his contribution to the offense, whether he’s on the field or not.  A once a nasty YAC guy is now just hoping for 2-3 catches a game.  Why Ken Wisenhut didn’t trade him in a rich off-season market for receivers is beyond me.  Could you imagine Boldin and Cutler together in Chicago?  /Drool.